You can continue to check it out as www.jeffersonjordan.com

Yeah, I got my own domain. Cool huh?

 When Vicki and James Garrison saw their daughter Abby get abducted before their very eyes they had no idea if they would ever see her again.

 “I will never forget it. The horrible day that big, black van pulled up and a large man opened the door, grabbed my precious Abby and drove off” said Vicki, her eyes still watering as she watched the video tape that CBS secretly recorded of the event.

 “She was riding her Barbie bike when the grabbed her,” recalled James. “I heard a scream and turned to look. They were already closing the door and peeling away as I ran towards them. We still have that bike, waiting for her in the garage.” 

It was a troubling time for the Garrison’s.

 “After they took my sister, my parents could never bring themselves to have another child. The fear of another loss was just too great, but I always wanted a sibling,” added her younger brother Joey.

 The Garrison’s searched for Abby for over a decade but were unable to locate her. Eventually they ran out of options and all they could do is wait and hope.

 “It was unbearable, a living nightmare for 15 years. You don’t know if she is alive or dead. Is she pinned up some basement somewhere? Is she even in the U.S. at all? Not knowing was the worst,” continued Vicki.

 But just when things were darkest, and nearly all hope had faded, that is when they got a phone call.

 “A man called us named Greg Alton. He claimed to be the producer of a reality show for CBS about missing family members and he wanted to interview us. I thought maybe it was a show about protecting our children. I never dreamed what would happen next,” said James.

 The studio arranged a meeting in an old house that they had kept Abby in. When the Garrison’s arrived they were asked to sit in the living room and wait. A few minutes later John came in and began interviewing them about the ordeal that happened 15 years ago.

 “Suddenly, Greg told us he had a surprise for us,” said Vicki. “He got up and went to a door.  He opened the door and as soon as he did out walked our little Abigail!”

 “We couldn’t believe it!” James said. “Our little girl, 22 years old and all grown up! The joy we felt was just incredible and to think it has all been caught on camera!”

 “It’s really an extraordinary concept,” explained producer Greg Alton. “You start with something that seems so horrible, like the abduction of a child, but the footage we get of raw, heart wrenching emotion is amazing. You can’t fake this kind of thing.  Then years later you reunite them. I tell you what, the joy felt in that room was amazing. I myself get choked up just thinking about it.”

 “Well, in the end, we are just glad to have our little girl back,” added Vicki. “Thank you CBS, thank you.”

 Inspired by Together Apart, it is being reported that NBC is planning a show that fakes parents deaths, only to have them reappear alive at their own funerals. It is said to air in the late fall.

Anyway, here is one from July 27th, 2005.  Enjoy, like you would a reunion with an old friend.

Hurricane Dennis just hit the Florida panhandle a few weeks ago. Now Emily just got done in Mexico. It seems to me every headline I see about hurricanes uses the terms hammers, slams or devastates whatever unfortunate land mass it hits and quite frankly, I am tired of it. I think the fact that it is a hurricane pretty much implies the fact it is hammering or slamming into something. I believe it is time for the media to be more creative with their verb usage as well as be more culturally relevant. That being said I have come up with a list of words I think would be much better. Picture these in the news.

-Hurricane Denzel Pimp Slaps Miami.

-Puerto Rico Just Got Served By Hurricane Esmeralda.

-Hurricane Bubba Opens Up A Can of Whoop On Mobile Alabama.

-Hurricane Fidel Is Hatin’ On Key Largo.

-Hurricane Heather Tears Jamaica A New One.

-Hurricane Ferguson Ridicules Atlantic Coast.

-Hurricane Basil Gives Charleston the Old What For.

 Well you get the idea. That’s probably enough for now. I could throw in some more random words to such as keeps it real, marinates, deep fry’s, screws over, goes to town on, owns or apologizes. That being said, hammered and slammed are perfectly acceptable adjectives if you’re referring to the effects of the alcoholic kind of Hurricanes.

On a slightly different note I think they need to change the names of hurricanes. They start with letter A every year and alternate male and female names. That is fine. What isn’t fine is that most names don’t live up to the storms hype. I mean, does Emily, Allison, Charlie or Dennis really sound like an all powerful storm? I think not.

This is why we need to change them to more appropriate names. I move all Hurricanes be given German or Norse names. Like this. – Adolf, Bjorn, Carsten, Dirk, Eva, Frigga, Gretchen, Hallerna..etc. See how much better those sound? Of course you would have jump ahead a few and add Ragnor, Sven and Thor. Hurricane Thor just sounds cool.

Alternately, and this is the more likely scenario, they could license out naming rights to celebrities or corporations, much like stadiums do.

- Hurricane Dale Earnhart Crashes Into Tallahasse.

- Hurricane Home Improvement Cause For Massive Repairs.

- Hurricane Bacardi Rum Parties in Cancun.

- Hurricane Prozac Reduced to Tropical Depression.

- Hurricane W.C.W. Smacks Down Myrtle Beach.

Well that is probably all I can really think of right now. Merry Christmas.

So my friends’ wife was eating breakfast one morning and looked up to see a love note her husband had written her on the cereal box. Basically the cereal box has a heart on it and he wrote their names on it. Now this is nice and sweet, as sweet as multigrain fiber rich cereal can be, but she then posted it on her blog and we all know that once something is online it’s fair game. Little did they know, I have been writing notes to people on cereal boxes for a long time. Here are some of them.

Anyways, thats is about it for now. Cheerios!

 So you may have noticed that my blog looks pretty much the same as it did last week, except for the header. That’s because I really am sort of a lion. Seriously though, it is the only thing I could find that wasn’t Hello Kitty or Twilight. It’s a work in progress okay? However, I am working on making change so that hopefully one day you will log on here and voila, it will have been transformed into the beautiful blog that represents me. (If any artist out there want to help let me know?) And now, as promised, we proudly present a long time fan favorite section…

 Great Moments in OCD History:

 This great moment in OCD history is a little different then ones in the past because it actually doesn’t involve something bad happening to me! Rather I have discovered a comedic gold mine quite by accident. What is it? I am glad you asked. To think this treasure trove of humor has been out there all this time and I didn’t know about it is disgraceful, for you see, I have joined an online O.C.D. support group and it is glorious!

 Every day my inbox is flooded with questions and testimonials about various people with O.C.D. and every day I think of multiple smart ass comments to reply with. Now I am pretty sure doing that would get my kicked from the group (It has about 3,000 members.) but no one says I can’t do it on my blog. So I will relate to you one such tail.

 This actually probably does violate some form of trust and someday, somebody from this group will probably stumble upon this site and report me, but until then, have at it.

 Most people on this site ask questions about their various obsessions and fears and people try to encourage them etc. Bu this one kid comes a long and writes this…

 “Hi, I don’t know if this is an OCD thing or not but I am a 14 year old boy and I have 6^th row tickets to the Miley Cyrus concert tonight and I really want to write her a letter and give it to her with some flowers and I don’t know if I should?”

 Yeah go ahead and laugh because I certainly did. This left me in a conundrum with how to respond. I was faced with three possible remarks to choose from and let’s make this interactive and vote on them. I could tell him…

You decide. (Okay I know this poll is a little messed up but I am still learning the coding and it is hacking me off)

 This has inspired me though. I never thought about online support groups for comedy. This opens up all sorts of doors for fun.  I could join a Schizophrenic group, drug addict group, narcolepsy group, the possibilities are as endless as the disorders that plague us. I imagine myself much like Ed Norton in Fight Club, who joins all sorts of support groups even though he doesn’t belong in them.

 Well that is about it for now. I plan on updating this thing once a week but if your lucky maybe twice a week. I have also thought about digging through the New Prussian Historical Archives and posting some of my old favorites. Later.

PS. Ironically enough, my one real celebrity sighting since I have moved out here is Miley Cyrus. We saw her filming the Hannah Montana movie on the Santa Monica Pier. I actually got a good picture of her. See?

www.jeffjordan.wordpress.com

I know, not very original, but it gets my name out there…

See you there.

Welcome one and all to my new blog! It’s so exciting, it’s almost like Christmas has come early. If you are new to my ramblings then welcome aboard! You can check out back issues at:

www.newprussia.blogspot.com.

If you are coming over from my old blog then you might be thinking, “Oh no! What has he done to our beloved New Prussia? Has the U.N. finally caught him?” Well folks, I am here to assure you that there is no need to fear (yet). While the name may have changed to a very shameless self plug, the heart and soul of this blog is still the same old witty, weird and sometimes slightly disturbing material you have come to know and love. And don’t worry, I will still work in the occasional ode to the Motherland.

Since this is a new blog in theory that means new levels of creativity, namely, now I need to create a freaking banner. I am not an artist, so if any of you readers out there want to help me out let me know.

 What’s new in my life? I am glad you asked. You see I have been volunteering for a group called Laundry Love that helps the homeless and families in need do their laundry. I know the irony here is ridiculous.  Me, the germ-a-phobe doing other people’s laundry, especiallythe homeless, but none the less here I am.

Now the rest of you who know me are probably laughing your butts off as well seeing as how you know the state of my own laundry. (ESPECIALLY my parents, who are probably in shock right now.) So how am I possibly qualified to help others? All I can say is the truth is stranger than fiction.

So let’s get started. Today will be something simple yet fun. You see, I accidentally keep referring to Laundry Love as Loads of Love, which I think is a much better name. That got me thinking what other better names are there for this project? Here are some I thought of…

Top Alternate Names for Laundry Love…

-TIDE-ings of Joy

 - SHOUT to the Lord

- ALL for Him

- Quarters from Heaven

- Clean Clothes, Dirty Hearts

- We lift your name on DRY

- Pray ‘N Spray

- Your Stain, His GAIN.

 So you get the idea right? Now for those of you coming over from the Laundry Love site you have seen this next part, but most of you haven’t.

Let’s say you want to donate some quarters to Laundry Love but need some help getting them. Never fear, I have provided this handy list of ways to help you raise money. So now I proudly present…

Top 10 Ways to Raise Quarters for Laundry Love.

 -Play quarters with the local street thugs.

-Rob a tollbooth

 -Have your Grandpa “magically” pull them out from behind your ears. 

 - Put a “Make a Wish Foundation” box in a store but secretly it is for Laundry Love

 -Open a kissing booth.

-Bully Jeff Jordan into giving you his lunch money. (like so long ago…)

-The other day I happen to notice a bunch of quarters in the fountain at Fashion Island.

 -Pull your teeth and leave them for the Tooth Fairy.

-Host Bible studies at your house and check the couch cushions after they leave.

-Invoke the “If I had a quarter for every time…” rule in your household.

 See? The possibilities are as endless as the laundry we clean. Well gang that’s it for now. I PLAN on updating this thing once a week. So keep your eyes peeled and your minds guarded. Now I have some laundry to go to.

PS. If you are interested I also write for a movie critique site. Find it at: www.babbleon5.wordpress.com